


Your Everything

by WinterXAssassin



Series: And I'd Choose You; In A Hundred Lifetimes [2]
Category: Halo (Video Games) & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Declarations Of Love, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, F/M, Feelings, Feels, First Love, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Halo: Reach, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Kissing, Love Confessions, Military, Past Abuse, Post-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Science Fiction, Spartans are not robots, Swearing, because I am absolute trash, headcanons, listen I'm dying with this okay, sue me for being trash, they ARE in fact human, they have emotions too, well okay I mean the abuse/trauma is only mentioned but STILL
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-13 18:50:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16023851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterXAssassin/pseuds/WinterXAssassin
Summary: "Don't look at me like that." She narrowed her eyes at him, mouth set in a frustrated grimace."Like what?" He was innocent, his own eyes twinkling, a corner of his mouth twitching, threatening to turn into a smile."Like I'm your everything. Trust me, Commander. You don't want me." Calling him by his rank instead of his name was keeping him at arm's length. Was closing herself off from him. She turned her back, and her words dropped from her mouth like stones sinking in a river. "You're not a monster like me."She is the darkness - death and destruction and despair.He is the light - life and peace and hope.They are not meant for each other.And yet, how can one exist without the other?





	Your Everything

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I-I'm not sorry. I'm really not. I'm just trash. I guess this is a sequel to _Just Keep Moving_. Sometimes, the ol' brain comes up with fic ideas at the strangest of times, and I just HAVE to write, even if what I'm writing isn't 100% coherent.
> 
> Enjoy! :3

"Don't look at me like that." She narrowed her eyes at him, mouth set in a frustrated grimace.

"Like what?" He was innocent, his own eyes twinkling, a corner of his mouth twitching, threatening to turn into a smile.

"Like I'm your everything. Trust me, Commander. You don't want me." Calling him by his rank instead of his name was keeping him at arm's length. Was closing herself off from him. She turned her back, and her words dropped from her mouth like stones sinking in a river. "You're not a monster like me." She walked away.

* * *

 "You're staring again." Although Artemis' head was down as she concentrated on putting the Falcon's engine back together, piece by piece, she could  _feel_ the weight of Carter's gaze on her. And she didn't like it. It wasn't that it made her...  _uncomfortable_ , per se, but it left her with a sense of disquiet. It caused her thoughts to roam, wandering far and wide. Her thoughts going off in a million different directions of their own accord was something that she did not enjoy. Because when her mind wandered, she found herself thinking of her past. Of everything that she was trying so  _desperately_ to bury; to forget.

It was not easy.

"Sorry." At least he sounded apologetic.

"Don't be  _sorry_ ; just don't do it in the first place!" she snapped, and she tightened a bolt into place with a jerk. She could not stop herself from flinching when, out of the corner of her eye, she saw him cringe and jerk away. She closed her eyes, and willed herself to  _breathe_ , despite the fact that she so desperately wanted to just sink into the ground below. She hated it. Hated what they had become. Hated the way he stared at her. Hated the way he  _smiled_ at her, when he thought she wasn't looking (but she was, she was, she  _was_ ). Hated how the twinkle in his eyes made her stomach flutter with a girlish excitement.

Hated the way she still felt his lips on hers from when he'd kissed her all those weeks ago.

She hated it all.

More than anything else, she hated  _herself_ , for the feelings that she should not have had. For the way she felt about  _him._

Artemis winced when she heard his feet shuffling in the way that they did whenever he was nervous. It wasn't right - she couldn't do this to him. She set the spanner down and turned, crossing the room to where he stood beside a row of Warthogs. "I'm sorry," she said, voice low, eyes downcast. "You shouldn't be sorry -  _I_ should be. And I am. I've been treating you like a jackass, and it's not right."

Carter looked away from her. Her heart sank, and guilt coiled itself around her throat like a snake, and  _squeezed_. It felt like she was choking on her own guilt, and she closed her eyes.

 _You idiot. Look at what you've done to him. He's not just your friend, remember, he's your commanding officer, for fuck's sake. Stop_ hurting  _him. He's already hurting enough. He's already had enough pain weighing him down to last half a dozen lifetimes. He certainly doesn't need the shit you're dropping on him now._

"I'm sorry," she said, again, and she wished once more that she could sink into the ground and disappear. "I'm  _sorry_ -"

"It's alright." One of his hands reached out and the fingers curled around her shoulder, warm and comforting. "I didn't mean to push. I know there are some things in your past that you'd rather not talk about, and I didn't stop to think that maybe it would affect  _this_." 

A whimper rose up the back of her throat, but she forced it down, locking it away where it would never be heard by anyone. She allowed herself to open her eyes, and she saw in his own deep blue orbs the honesty, and the worry, and the guilt. Something  _else_ twisted its way around her chest, bands tight like steel, and again she felt as though she were choking on it, despite the fact that she was breathing just fine.

_Don't. Don't look at me like that. Don't look at me like I'm anything other than your teammate._

_Please. I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have._

But those words didn't come. Instead, she took a step back and lifted her chin, setting her jaw in a firm line. "I'm just sorry that I'm not the kind of person that you should spend the rest of your life with." Ignoring the hot trickle of tears down her cheeks, the Lieutenant turned and walked away. His calling out her name fell on deaf ears. She had to shut him out. She  _had to_ , before she made the foolish mistake of loving somebody else, only to have them torn cruelly from her by her own hands. She did not want what happened to Dante-B452 to happen to Carter-A259.

Not if she could help it.

* * *

The rain was warm, and it felt refreshing to her skin.

Her gaze watched as an Unggoy lead a group of ODST recruits through the mud, moving on all fours, while the humans crawled on their bellies. The cetacean creature was well ahead, but one of the recruits was not  _too_ far behind, his speed giving him an edge that his companions did not have.

It felt so strange, now that the Human-Covenant War was well and truly over. She'd spent half her lifetime fighting a conglomerate empire of alien species - the other half fighting human rebels, or running from ONI - that sometimes, it was hard  _not_ to pull out the knife she kept in her boot, and stab the Grunt in the eye, or mutilate the Sangheili that was across the way, climbing up a tree, or slash at the Mgalekgolo pair that were thumping around, with a handful of kids in tow. She had to remind herself that these aliens were  _allies_ , not the enemy, and that they had been cruelly tricked by those that had lead them.

Artemis would have gone over and attempted to speak to-

"Credit for your thoughts?"

The redhead jerked out of her daze at the familiar, teasing voice, and she didn't know whether she wanted to kick Carter, or kiss him.

 _Wow, where has_ that  _come from, all of a sudden? Where in Slipspace is your head at, Spartan?_

She settled for giving his shoulder a shove, instead. "Funny," she sassed, and gave a shake of her head. She hugged her knees to her chest, and then nodded at the aliens scattered across the grounds of the base. "I guess I'm just finding this different. Maybe more than a little difficult to grasp, too. I mean, shit, I get that it's hard for  _everyone_ , but this is... this is what we were created to do. It's the Spartan-IIIs' very purpose for existence. I mean yeah, if it had never happened, some of us might have become soldiers anyway, but...."

Carter nodded with understanding. "I get you." He eased himself onto the ground beside her - although leaving some space between them - and stared out at the goings-on of the base that was stretched out before them

Even when the rain stopped - as warm and enjoyable as it had been - Artemis found that she was still relaxed. The scent of the earth after rain - also known as petrichor - was familiar to her nostrils. It was soothing, and it reminded her of home.

She watched as, gradually, the soldiers and aliens disappeared out of their line of sight, and the grounds were quiet once more. And Artemis quickly realized that it was the perfect time for the two of them to talk about what was going on. To clear the air, and make sure the discord that was growing between them was gotten rid of altogether.

 _Deep breath in, relax, and dive in, cadet,_ Chief Mendez's words of wisdom whenever the Spartan trainees got too anxious echoed in her mind.

And then Kat, comforting her after a panic attack not that long ago, _Just let go of the past, Artemis. It's what happened. It's not what's happen-_ ing.  _It's not what matters right now._

The Lieutenant squared her shoulders, drawing in a great lungful of air, and then released it slowly. She turned so that she was facing her companion, and for half a heartbeat, she couldn't look him in the eye. The moment he gave her a reassuring nod, however, she met his gaze evenly. And then, she spoke. She told him about what ONI had done to her; a brief glossing-over of the things she struggled with; the demons in her mind. She told him about Dante, explained to him how she'd  _apparently_ felt about the other cadet - even now, she struggled to believe it - and how the pair of them had wound up on Onyx. And somehow, her eyes were as dry as a desert when she explained to him what ONI had made her do to Dante on that fateful day.

"And that's why I'm so afraid to... to... start this. To start an  _us_. Because I'm afraid that one day, I'm gonna wake up, and find out that I've done to you what ONI made me do to Dante." Her hands shook, and she finally tore her gaze away. It didn't really feel like that sick burden had been eased, and yet, she was quite sure she felt a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Even if only a little bit, it made a difference. He'd needed to know, after all. Know who she was -  _what_ she was - and what she'd done.

She looked up in surprise when a large hand closed over hers, and she saw the raw  _trust_ in Carter's eyes. She could have sworn she felt her heart skip a beat. How could he-? After what she'd said she'd done... She pressed her lips together tightly, to keep her emotions at bay.

 _Don't lose it now. You're stronger than this. You don't need to lose it. You already_ know  _he trusts you. Why would he stop?_

"I know that you're not what you were then." His voice was low; a soft rumble. She found it oddly comforting. "And I know you're not what ONI tried to make you into. I know what you are _now_. I've seen it, and even if you don't believe it yourself, I know that it's true. You're a _survivor_ , Artemis. You're a fighter. And you see the wrongs of the world, and you want to set them right, even if it means throwing yourself into the path of danger. I think that's what I admire the most about you - that you put those around you first, before yourself. Not very many people have the ability to do that, but you do. Even if you're struggling yourself, you push that aside, and make sure we're all okay."

His words surprised her. She'd always known that she'd done that, but to hear it from someone else... It really put things into perspective.

"And, look... I know you probably won't want to hear this - especially not given what you've just told me - but... I think I need to say it anyway, just so that you....know." he tacked on, and this time, there was honesty in his eyes, as well as the trust that was already there.

 _He's not going to, is he? Istenem, he_ is...

Artemis nodded weakly for him to continue.

"The thing is..." Carter seemed hesitant, and he paused for a moment, struggling with the wording of what he was about to say. Just for a moment, his features contorted into a grimace of frustration, before relaxing once more. "I think your selflessness is part of the reason why I love you. And not in the way that the rest of the team did. Not like a sister. It's.... you know... a civilian thing. Not really something that Spartans feel."

She thought, for a second, that she had lost her mind. But no, this was reality - she was not dreaming. He'd really said that. And then she quivered, a full-body thing, and cast her gaze skyward. She had been right after all. He  _did_  feel about her like she felt about him.

_Say something! There is no better time than now. Put the past behind you and move on. Keep moving forward. Joining the team was your chance to start anew. And here is a new path for you to walk down, with another beside you every step of the way. Because it is their path too. You will not be alone any more. So what are you waiting for? Will you step, or will you leap?_

_...I will leap._

"I think..." Artemis forced her gaze to drift back to his face, and she saw the warmth and the admiration in the depths of his vivid blue eyes. "I think that maybe... I  _would_ like there to be an _us_. I feel the same way as you do, and I am sick and tired of keeping it to myself. Sick and tired of drowning in my own past. It's time to move on." She took a deep, steadying breath, and leapt. "I love you, Carter, and I do not know what I would do without you. I want to be yours. I want to be your sun, and your moon, and your stars. I want to be your everything."

His voice lowered to no more than a husky rasp when he spoke again. "I think I'm more than okay with that becoming our reality."

And then he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: _Istenem_ means "dear me" in Hungarian, for those who didn't know!


End file.
